I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize
