i just made my gag reflex go away.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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