Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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