I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
