I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize