she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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