we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
