I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
there is puke in my bra ... again
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
