somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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