In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
