No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
