Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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