All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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