cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
