btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
