No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
