So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
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