last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize