I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
