Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I am one with the molecules
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize