If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
50% drunk capacity currently
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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