...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
