Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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