if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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