Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
