I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Randomize