I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
