even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize