doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
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