He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Randomize
