I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Randomize
