he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
