There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Randomize
