I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
The feeling are messing with the penis
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
