fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
