I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
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