I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
