I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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