he wants to bone in the snuggie
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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