just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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