is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
