I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
