I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
