I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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