im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
