my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
FUCK WHALES
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
