just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
