God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
