haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
