Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
