you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
