Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
