We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
