my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
My ass is underappreciated
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
