so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
