i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Someone shit on the floor
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
