I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
