It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Randomize
