he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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