Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
