does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
