I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
My liver just had a heart attack.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Randomize
