you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize