dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Randomize
