we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
