she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
