Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
