i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
