you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Someone shattered a urinal.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
