well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
