he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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