her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
