come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
