Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
