i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
