I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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