There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
