i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
