I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
