She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
