just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
