He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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