Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
wat bout pragnant strippers??
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
