Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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