And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Randomize