oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
