gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize