it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
