Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
