giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
