I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
