i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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