I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I think i got beer on your cat.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
