Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize