I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
