Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
