I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
