I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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