I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
