My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Randomize
