After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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