Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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