i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
