i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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