We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
