No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
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