I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
