dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
