How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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